Howard Firkin
"I like your plays, Firkin. At least they stop you writing poetry..."

Robert Nowak , 2015

What Invisible Rat is a bit of a curiosity, presented now for your entertainment. It was my first attempt at a stage play. It features some of my own poetry (which seemed like the only way anyone was ever going to hear it) and the translation of a poem by Jean Joseph Rabearivelo.

I'd come across Rabearivelo in a Penguin edition of Modern African Poetry and wanted to draw attention to how brilliant it was.

The play was never produced; so neither my poetry nor Rabearivelo's got anything out of it. Nevertheless, here it is, preserved in a PDF file as the original ClarisWorks 1.0 file is never going to be able to be used! It's 20+ years old; so some of the references are a little dated (as is the pay rate of the hotshot, high-flying barrister who charges $1000- a day!)

As a play, it strikes me now as far too safe, too cutesy. And it's probably about four hours long. Still, it has some good bits and I still like the structure.

Another stage play which is unlikely ever to make it onto a stage.

It’s about a man who wants to join a gym to get fit and doesn’t. The play arose out of discussions with my daughter about the work of the unlamented Martin Heidegger, philosopher, Nazi, and incomprehensible tosser. So blame her if you don’t like the play.

Anne Hathaway appears courtesy of being dead.

The third of the trilogy of plays which won't be staged.

It's about an old woman who loses her licence for drink driving.